I have been rejecting you for these past few days…I have been thinking bad..i have been lost…I know you’re hurt..i know ur trying to convince me..ur trying to console my heart, yet I obviously say no..i know you’ve been trying to reach me all day long..you are just by my side..i know that…I know u wanted to help me, I know you wanted to embrace me with ur love..i know you wanted to tell me something…
But please, let me feel it first…I know u don’t want me to be alone..but I want to be alone..i want it by myself…I might be selfish, but I want it on my own…and that’s exactly what im feeling right now, im so alone, I wanted to be alone..i want it by myself…I don’t need you ..i don’t need anybody..i don’t need anyone to help me…no one could help me..it is my own battle..no one would like to help me…
Im so tired..im so full of these craps..i have been drowning myself with these…I don’t want it..i don’t want to ask help from you…I have been asking so many things for others…I have been praying every night for others…and im tired of asking my personal worries to you…im tired of praying for them, yet I don’t know what to do…
Lord, I know I hurt you with these words…but please understand me…im feeling desperate…im feeling to deep…im carrying it too heavy…I wanted to talk to you without saying anything… I want to hear you speaking to me.. I want to pray without thinking anything..i wanted it solemnly…with you…I want to talk to you…I don’t know how this happens, but im tired…im so tired..im just trying to find some outlets not to let my emotions flow…I don’t want somebody suffer my words..i don’t want anybody to be hurt..yet im hurting you and im sorry..
Please understand me..i know you will…I know it is very painful, but please do it for me…I just wanted to release everything to you…you’re the only one I have..you know everything about me..i cant find any other else to catch my sentiments..you are my only one..please do understand..im sorry..i cant promise anything but im sorry..im so sorry…this is so bad…
I should be praising you, worshiping you,glorifying you…im sorry that im blaming you..im sorry..i am blinded and hurt..im having an emotional war between my soul and my earthly being..i cant understand myself..i am lost..i don’t know what to do..im breaking…im lost…
Please don’t let myself handle this Lord..please do it for me..please take this pain away..i cant handle it alone..i need you..please don’t mind my other end…please, don’t give up on me..i still want your embrace…I still want you by my side..i want your love…please do me a favor…please don’t leave me, whatever wrong words,acts or anything bad I will be doing..please don’t mind..please..please correct me…strengthen your power within me..i need it..both of us know that I badly need it..i don’t want to walk alone..i want you..i want both of us walking…walk with me Lord..please..
entry: OCTOBER 16, 2011; 1:58pm
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