1,2,3

we've been together for sooooo long..spell so long, really so long na we already memorized each others language, body language, sign language, and all other language na applicable satin..

 you know how i sleep, i know how you cry, you know how i laugh, i know how u brush your teeth, you know kung nautot ako :) , i know if you're tired, you know when im serious and i know when you're in trouble..

you are so familiar on how i can get the most prettiest and sexiest angle pagnagpapapicture tayo..on where to put my hands, how to bend my knees, where to focus my eyes.. you have been my soooo favorite number one photographer.

together and literally hand in hand, we venture our lives here in manila. though not emotionally ready, we both have a heart that shouts for our families needs. in laughter and in pain, may pera o wala, kakain o hindi, sabay tayong nagugutom at tumatawa sa problema.. we are a package deal, value meal, happy meal, buy one take one deal, twin deal and lahat ng klaseng togetherness deal..

for almost nine years, ganyan ang condition natin. although there were times that we didnt have time to meet personally, we both know na deep with in our hearts,  we are just a text away and in any moment in any time, we can free ourselves just for the benefit of both of us..

God also made His ways to nourish our relationship. Nilimot na natin yun and we both cherish the friendship that we had. Kahit naging silent ako for that moment in your life (coz me too was having a hard time mending my heart for someone, naks!), I prayed to our Lord to give you the best helping hand that you need. Nasa province ako nun, and naramdaman ko nalang na I failed to save you in your darkest hour.

And i promised that time that i will never let that happen again.

So then, we started a new journey. Malaya tayong lumipad tungo sa ating mga pangarap..Tears become laughter when we are together. Financial problems, which is 100% present in us, never succeed to ruin the joy that we have.

God again binded us. In a Christian Life program, we renew ourselves to the Most Holy promise of Our God. Not just for our own benefit but also nurturing and touching  lives of others. God knows how grateful I am to have you in serving Him. It was an unexplained happiness when i saw how you surrendered yourself to Him. And an unending joy when I saw you serving others unselfishly.

Singing praises to Him, serving Him, glorfying Him become our hobby. Minsan nauubos na ang time natin sa mga simple household chores to give way to our household meetings. But then it was so fullfilling, diba? :)

And, nagkaroon pa tayo ng time to go out of town to be bonded..Nasobrahang bonding sa mata ng iba, but we never mind them. Bonding natin yun..And again, kahit walang, wala, we make ways para lang makapag-unwind. Matatag eh..

Ganyan tayo kaclose..our intestines, minds and hearts are connected via an invisible tiny thread that God created. we have been through ups and downs..

I dont have any idea on how we can win our relationship back. All i know is that I'm suffering too much, but it's my way to let you realize how precious you are to us, to me and to our Creator. I dont want you to forget all the memories that we have, all i want for you is to be strong. I also dont know if what im doing is right, maybe it's not, but all i want for you is to have your self back. the true you. the person i met 9 years ago.

I'm still hoping to see you smile again, with or without me. God has plans why He's letting these things happen. And whatever it is, I'm extra positive that it's for the good of both us.

May God be with us always..

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if we had an exchange of heart

if we had an exchange of heart..then you'd know why I fell apart.

sometimes, we wonder why we need to feel pain..why we need to feel all these hurts..and sometimes, we wonder, why it happened to us..

facing reality is the hardest thing to do. it is the hardest thing ever created when we are almost eaten by hurts. it seems like there is no easy way of escaping reality and we wish of not waking up anymore. and what hurts most is when people causing the pain are nearest to our hearts, and all the more we wish to escape from it..

but , as we become mature, we realized that we cannot escape pain..and the more we find ways to escape from it, the more it becomes painful..the more we suffer..

photo from yahoo.com

just like the lyrics of the song above, and how i suffered and wish we had an exchange of heart.. 
if we had an exchange of heart, you might know why i fell apart..
if we had an exchange of heart, you might know my reasons..you might know what i have been through..

there are so many IFs:

if you only knew how painful it is for me not to be with you in your darkest hour, if you only knew how i feel so defeated whenever you hurt yourself, if you only knew what i have been through when i decided to let you go..if you only knew how much it hurts when you keep on ignoring His answer to your question..

Reality?
These IFs will remain IFs..exchange of heart will never happen to us..i will not know what you felt and you will not know what i felt..

Pain is really something that we never wish to feel.. But pain has no exemption. We are not exempted and i guess the only way for us to heal is to forgive..

God forgives us, and I am so serious begging to Him to teach me to forgive.. And im still praying that you understand me better now..

Im always in puzzle with this line " NO PAIN NO GAIN"..
i guess it's true, we are still in pain but in God's time, we will both celebrating its gain!

by the way, if we had an exchange of heart, you will also know how much i love you..

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